you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
