4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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