I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza