White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
