he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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