i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
