my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
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But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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