Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Randomize
