Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
