before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
