We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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