Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
