i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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