Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
