I want to walk on stilts...naked
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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