Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
