Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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