the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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