I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
