You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
this just has baby written all over it
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
