are you still at the devil's house?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
