I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize