I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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