I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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