he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think my fart just growled at me.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
