Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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