i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
