carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
