I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
