His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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