I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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