enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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