the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
