do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
