Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
