im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
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He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
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Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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