Apparently you make a good broom.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
