Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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