im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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