Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
