Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
