You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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