i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
