I'm so fucking centered right now
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize