The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize