It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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