How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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