Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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