I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
