Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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