I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i now understand why vodka
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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