absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
