i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
