my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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