the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
