That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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