Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
