everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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