Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
