the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
